Reflection on my Art

These are some thoughts on how I feel about my own art. I wrote this for me, but maybe someone else will connect with it.

On a walk, I was doing color matching, and while I was taking photos, I saw a neighbor and said, "Don't worry I'm not a weirdo, I'm an artist!" as if that had some sort of credence.  It was the first time I said aloud that I'm an artist after all this time.  Funny enough, they shrugged and said, "Do what you gotta do!" as I didn't appear to be a threat. On a different walk, I ran into a lady on her bike and a guy walking his dog.  We were all traversing in the same direction and when I paused to take a different color match video of some yellow groundcover, they asked, "What are you taking a picture of?" and my response was… "I'm famous on the internet and I'm trying to maintain that."  

What.

It's weird what your brain will automatically spit out in situations like these.  Subconsciously, I think I'm an artist. In my heart, I feel like I'm still trying to prove myself to some imaginary audience that is critical of every pixel I place. 

Let's try to unpack that last word-vomit I said to strangers.  "I'm famous on the internet."  I have always said that in jest.  I've always belonged to some online community, whether it be gaming, localized clubs, and fiber arts, and I have this weird habit of not shutting up and being spammy in these spaces.  Despite not liking being around a lot of people in person, I thrive in online environments. 

And then you look at my following on the internet.  Currently, I've got 12k followers.  It used to be more, but I've significantly culled that down (blog post).  In doing that culling, I could see what people engaged with on my feed and the results were startling.  Internet people would like posts of mine that were my early, newbie designs. They'd like other people's designs that I stitched.  They didn't like anything that's new, fresh, or in my more recognizable style.  Maybe that's because of the algorithm or because they dropped the social platform.  So whatever minuscule impression that these people had of me was not anywhere close to my best work.  Thanks, Algorithm, I hate you. 

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This just reminds me that the perspective that people have about you is not always what you think it is.  People don't see everything you do, and that's ok.  It makes sense. 

For those that also need to hear this, social media followings do not equate to success or financial gain.  I do this for a living and I don't make minimum wage. 

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Side Note - I'm called BAD Stitch, By Amanda DeLong, because I'm extremely self-deprecating.

Now let's pivot to some other self-awareness nuggets I've realized recently. A local needlework shop that I had been emailing, attempting to introduce myself to the print market, said that my designs would appeal to teenagers.  You can't imagine how many times this one comment woke me up in the middle of the night.  I don't even know any teenagers, let alone know what they'd like at this point in history.  But this comment really made me take stock in what I design.  I'm designing whimsical things with rainbows and vaporwave splashes.  I guess that does appeal to the younger crowd, as most stitchers my age are stitching muted samplers with Jesus and lighthouses.  Now I'm ok with it.  Maybe my designs don't appeal to older stitchers, and that's alright, everyone is on a stitching journey, but maybe my color-blasted patterns will appeal to a new stitcher, in the same way that Steotch's Battlestar Galactica cross stitch lured me into the world of stitching.  To be the reason why someone picks up this craft would be so cool.

🎉🎉 Rejection 🎉🎉

I also experience a lot of rejection.  Mostly from local needlework shops, which is ironic because I've lead massive campaigns to get people to shop at these types of stores. 

Thanks so much for reaching out - it looks like you have a great collection of patterns started! I don't have a huge demand for fantasy designs at the moment, but I will definitely keep an eye on your work for the future. 

And another....

Hi Amanda - We are pretty maxed out on patterns right now. We literally have nowhere left to put them, so have been holding off on bringing in new designers for the time being. We've been running a massive designer sale all year in an attempt to make some space. It's a frustrating place to be at.

  That's a big oof.

And another...

Thanks for your kind words…we wish you well in your designing endeavors! Right now, we are not stocking designers who sell pdfs, as we feel pdfs are nails in the coffins of LNSs everywhere.  We just don’t want to compete with you for our customers, who can buy from their home computer and print on home printers…

I've got to respond to this one.  So many local needlework shops (not all of them!) gatekeep and they gatekeep HARD.  I have a whole rant on that, but in this particular case, the LNS that says they don't stock designs that are also available as PDFs from the designer is a hypocrite and does sell modern designs that are available as PDFs.  I don't know why they do this.  It's truly their loss that they aren't keeping up with modern stitching.

This was my response for those curious, and obviously they did not respond.  Sorry, I'm not naming and shaming, because I do truly want local needlework shops to thrive, regardless if they stock my designs. 

Hello, there, I've been thinking about your email from some time ago, and it's been rubbing me the wrong way.  You say that you don't stock patterns that designers are selling as PDFs, but I also see you prominently selling patterns by designers such as Heartstring Samplery, Hands on Designs, Stitching with the Housewives, October House, Teresa Kogut, etc., etc. All of these designers sell PDF version of their charts on their own websites and etsy with little to no exclusivity for LNS.

I absolutely don't expect you to stock my designs at this point, because I recognize that people don't like their words put back in their mouth, but I hope you see that this is gatekeeper behavior and is actually harming the stitching community.  The modern stitcher is looking to buy from LNS, and you are only harming your own business with this outlook. All the best, Amanda

Not all Local Needlework Shops do this. There are some amazing LNS that are excited about the modern designs coming out. They understand that designers and LNS have a symbiotic relationship. We are in this together. (Thank you to the LNS that have taken a risk on me, you can find them here)

🎉🎉 Magazine Rejections 🎉🎉 Cross Stitch specific magazines are extremely difficult to get into.  They definitely appeal to a certain demographic of stitcher and in speaking with my designer pals, we have all attempted to submit designs specifically that those magazines would like, in styles that aren't quite our own.  Should we have to change our design styles in order to be seen in magazines?  I don't think so, but that's the nature of the industry.  I've been rejected by magazines multiple times in lovely, canned messages.  To be an artist, the kind that I said I was to that neighbor down the street from me, you have to have thick skin and not take things personally. 

So where am I going with this particular blog?  I don't really know.  I'm proud of my successes, I'm proud of the communities I've built.  I'm proud of the challenges I've given myself and dominated.  I'm proud of my advocacy for other artists and my own work.  I'm also disheartened.  I see swaths of pattern mills and AI-generated garbage patterns saturating the market.  Pattern designers like me are literally buried on page 98.  I can never compete with that.

I may feel differently about all of this later, because growing and evolving changes you.  This is where I am right now.  Thank you to everyone who supports me, my Patrons especially, because y'all literally give me life.

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